The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
