Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
false alarm. still invincible.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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