you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
