This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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