OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize