Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
