I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
