Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got her a Nickelback box set.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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