I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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