We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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