well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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