U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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