What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
