Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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