he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
