But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
