Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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