I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
