My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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