is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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