Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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