I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
