Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
