I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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