Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
