omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
