Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
