these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
