I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
