I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
