I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
