Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
