So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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