That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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