Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
