capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
