John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize