my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
