It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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