Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i came on her dog
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
