My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize