sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
