what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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