thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
