Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
