I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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