Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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