I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it hurts more in the daytime
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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