So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
