so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
