Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
