I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
