I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
