mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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