so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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