Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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