I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
