hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
