At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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