They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
