Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
