In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I believe in your delicious
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
