If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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