well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize