i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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