I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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