After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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