This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
