if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
