oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
