your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
