Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
