I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
