Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
