Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
