All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
